01.18.10

Living in Crisis or Choosing Joy

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:21 am by Administrator

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a conversation I had with my EMDR practitioner.  I said even in the midst of living in one of the most difficult seasons with a kiddo, I choose to have JOY.  I choose to not live in crisis.  Now don’t get me wrong there are days when we are definitely in crisis mode and I feel like my head could spin around.  I do all my things that help me survive (positive affirmations, rely on my support system of friends or family, pray).  Sometimes I know that prayer and the Holy Spirit are how I’ve been carried through.

 I realize though that so many times I have pushed my children to a place dysregulation.  I’m not at all blaming myself  for my children’s behavior (and I did not create their problems), but I realize that I have either not been proactive, am allowing my “stuff” to interact with my kids “stuff”, did not give myself space between event and response, or am just really have a dysregulated day myself. 

I have noticed that making the concious choice to choose joy and not constantly live in crisis it does push my children to not feeling like they are always in crisis.  I’m not being polyanna, but I do believe that attitude is so much of dealing with children with extreme behaviors.  I finally came to a place a few years ago and realized:

  1. their behaviors are a result of their past trauma
  2. their trauma is not my fault and their behavior does not make me a bad mom
  3. my children are who they are and our life is “normal” for them
  4. this is our life, for better or worse, these are my kids and even if I have to have my children out of my home for a while, they are still my kids
  5. the journey and initiation of my children’s healing lies within my husband and I as their parents (a therapist or anyone else is not going magically heal my children)
  6. I cannot solve everything for my children.  Some things they are going to have to figure out on their own when they are adults or when they are developmentally ready.

Accepting these truths have been huge in my own happiness in life.

Blessings and prayers toward healing,

Melissa R.

01.14.10

Targeted Amino Acid Therapy

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:59 am by Administrator

I continue to be amazed by the human brain.  We have had a wonderful last four weeks and I have to contribute it to Targeted Amino Acid Therapy (TAAT).  I again realize that  the journey to healing is holistic.  I must continue to look at the whole child.  And that includes myself as one of the most important conduits for my children’s healing. 

I long ago stopped looking for the magic cure, realizing that there is none.    But then I realize (in my regulated moments) that I would have missed out on an incredible journey if they could be miraculously “fixed”.  My faith walk and trust in the Almighty has expanded to depths and heights that I never imagined.  My children, in their woundedness, are incredible.  I am amazed at their resilancy.

Ah, but to have that pill to fix it would be SOOOOO nice.  Isn’t it so sad to see kids in pain?  When I see one of my kids grieving I so wish I could take it from them.

But I digress….TAAT has been an excellent addition to our healing regimen.  I do think it is giving some wonderful “underpinning”.  And that cannot be understated in it’s importance for trying to get other therapeutic techniques.

Blessings and prayers to healing,

Melissa R.  www.wholechildcoaching.com

“Perfect Love Casts Out Fear”

01.06.10

Control / Super Mom Syndrome

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:05 am by Administrator

I’ve been doing EMDR with a wonderful therapist here in Charlotte so that I can better parent my chickadees.  Wow, what a powerful tool EMDR is.  I’m always so blown away by what comes up the journey with EMDR. 

I don’t know about you all, but I definitely suffer from control issues and “super mom” syndrome.  I am amazed at how much time I spend during the day thinking “what I did is not good enough” or “it’s not enough”.  This was clearly the focus of my brain during the EMDR today.  Wow, I’m always amazed at how much I work to control my environment and control the healing of my children.  Through EMDR, I so realize that God’s healing comes through me and that I don’t have to “control” it.  My positive affirmation now…”I am as good as I am, made in God’s image.”  Wow to truly believe that!

Where does my control come from?  Well, I had to grow up very fast as a “tween” and was the adult / parent in my house from around the age of 10.  It’s no wonder that I hang onto control so tightly.  And where does my children’s control come from?  It occured to me during an EMDR session how powerless my children were when they were in the orphanages in China.  They truly had control of nothing.  They couldn’t even communicate their needs through their most basic cries.  So where I sometimes feel powerless and that I have no control when my children are showing extreme behaviors, I can now stand back and realize how sad it is that they were so powerless in the most vunerable time in there lives.  (Note to self…..remember that statement!)

How much more important for me to now listen when they are clearly communicating their needs through their behaviors!  Get out of  the way Melissa and let go of what parenting “should” look like.

Blessings and prayers for healing in your home,

Melissa R.  “Perfect Love Casts Out Fear”

01.05.10

Great start to a new year……

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:48 am by Administrator

As I have made the journey through the healing of my children I have had times of deep despair and great joy.  After a very difficult Fall, we started target amino acid therapy and what an amazement!  Truly the greatest gift I could have gotten this Christmas was peace and calm for our family and for one of my children.  We do feel as if we are holding our breath though and continue to “wait for the other shoe to drop”.  Times of calm are so wonderful for our family as everyone connects on a very deep level and so much healing can take place.  I continue to stand in amazement at what my children teach me and how far I have reached to the very recesses of my soul to find my inner strength.

Happy New Year and prayers for healing for all of you!